I thought life got easier with age?

Am I the only one who has found life getting harder with age? Some things are easier .. I don't worry about rent or finding the right guy, but I find that as I get older - I am much harder on myself. Things that I would shrug off in 15 minutes will roll around in my head for days, weeks. Interactions with friends or conversations with my kids - I find myself constantly questioning myself.

I am hoping that this is emotional growth and I am just becoming more self aware, but I am honestly not sure that is the case. (See, I am doing it.) Today I was listening to a great Podcast about empathy and the concept of "Do unto others as you want them to do to you." What a simple concept, what a wonderful "Golden Rule." And I found myself reflecting on that rule for a very long time and then I found myself questioning my interactions and ability to ensure I was practicing this in my own life.

Sure there are the easy examples of using the Golden Rule, I believe in basic equality for all people. I believe in helping others and consider myself liberal in nature. I have a very good life and can certainly afford to give someone without my "privilege" help. But then there are areas that I know I fall very short.

I am quick to be critical. I talk too much and don't listen enough. I am not good at focusing on peoples positive traits. I am not always aware of my actions and how they affect others. I am not supportive enough of my friends and family. I say stupid things. I do, I hear them come out of my mouth and I know they are stupid - why do I do those things? It drives me crazy.

Maybe I am getting more comfortable with myself and relaxed in my skin. Maybe I am just learning who I am and seeing my wrinkles clearly. Maybe as you get old, life gets harder because you realize that "this is you" and you are not going to grow out of this shitty behavior. If you want to change, you have to do the work. You have to make the effort to be the person you want to be, you are not just going to grow into that person because you want it.